Its Tough Growing Up


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She was shocked because usually I would save the money and give her some for upkeep. I was using the rest for my school fees and all that. We were doing those things gladly.

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It's tough growing up where I grew up. My family is very small and really tight. Just being around the neighborhood, my brothers were always around. I didn't. It's Tough Growing Up has 2 ratings and 1 review. Marilyn said: It's Tough Growing Up: Children's Stories of Courage is a book for children and it i.

Then after the Polytechnic, we went to the University of Ibadan. But things were very tough. I finished from Polytechnic in I graduated from UI in To proceed to the law school became a very big challenge. Of course, we did. There was no other way to pay our way through. We usually spent holidays working.

Growing up is tough. Especially when we're told we are supposed to.

We looked forward to public holidays because they would allow us to work and earn a living. We would go to farms to make some money and all that. When we were now going to the law school, God led me to contact Dr Samuel Oloruntoba. He was actually one of the leaders of Rotary Club International. I always said if others had fathers to take care of them, then God is my father. But we had to work.

We did all sorts of menial jobs just to survive. Firstly, it has blessed many lives because when I give my testimony anywhere, people are wowed and determined to make a success of their lives too. In fact there was a guy who came to our church the other day and was telling them in the church that today he has his Ph. D in law after hearing where I was coming from. He said if I could make it despite my background, he had no excuse to fail. And there are several like him in the church and other places who have purposed to succeed after hearing me.

It has also helped me to be philanthropic. I understand some people are down by circumstances of their birth and background. They need help to rise up. I try to assist some people that possibly were in that kind of situation now. God has helped us to be able to assist so many people. But I know a lot of people are going through a lot of things, a lot of stuff. Well it was not very easy because I felt I was losing what I really laboured for over the years to get. My initial dream was to become a senior advocate to also use that tool to fight injustice and corruption.

But now as a pastor, you cannot even fight again.

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You just hand over everything to the hands of God. When you are teaching people on relationships, you have to let them know different aspects of life. I already know somebody can tell you I love you and he is saying the opposite in his heart. So if anybody misbehaves, I just know that is the nature of man. I wrote something on Facebook sometime ago that I shared with my wife when we got married.

I said anybody you are able to help is not so that they can be of help to us in whatever way but we have done it just for the Lord. I also said whatever you do for people, they may not have the capacity to reward you but God will never forget. He will always reward you. Then some of the people will turn against you and even speak against you or bite the finger that fed them.

The fact still remains that some people will still be eternally grateful. We have some people that lived with us. In fact, my wife was counting over 30 people that have stayed in our house. Yet, they stayed with us for 5- 7 years. Some of them we gave jobs, assisted in so many ways, assisted to go to school and things like that.

But there are some that after they left, it was as if they never lived with us. They never looked back. But there are some who are still eternally grateful. Some may not even be around us but they are still well connected to us and they are still great encouragement to us and all that. It is so hard to believe I am 50 already. Sometimes I wonder if I am but I know my date of birth. So I feel grateful to God and know that He has not even started with me.

Gujba returnees record bumper harvests Breaking: May 5, May 4, In: They hypothesized that people who grew up amid unpredictability would fare worse on measures of inhibition but better at task shifting, especially in situations that evoked elements of their childhood. They primed half of their subjects to think about instability by having them read an article titled "Tough Times Ahead: The New Economics of the 21st Century" ; the other half read a text about a person looking for lost keys. In computer-based challenges routinely used to measure inhibition, people who grew up in unpredictable environments showed no significant difference from their peers under the control condition of having read the article about the keys.

Primed with the article about economic uncertainty, however, they performed significantly worse. The results were different when it came to task shifting: In the control condition, the two groups performed similarly. But in the uncertainty condition, those who experienced unpredictability in childhood outperformed their privileged peers—they were faster in shifting focus without a loss of accuracy. Developmental psychologist Bruce Ellis of the University of Utah describes this trait as the ability to "unstick yourself," a type of cognitive flexibility that correlates positively with traits such as creativity.

It may be that individuals raised in stressful environments have a greater willingness to leave something undone—a lack of perfectionism that helps them do what's necessary without dwelling on what could have been—compared with those raised in homes with the luxury of routinely expecting perfection. Still, a closer look at the potential strengths of every individual, no matter his or her background, could help overturn stereotypes, both in the culture at large and in the minds of those who have grown up in uncertain environments that tend to foster self-doubt.

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Kids who grow up feeling that nothing is under their control may turn into adults who don't particularly value feeling in control, but that could be an asset for those making their way in a treacherous economy. Steve recalls wanting to help around the house, but never being told what to do or, when he completed chores, whether he had done an adequate job.

Around age 10, he started cutting his arm with a razor blade, hoping to get attention—to no avail. As an adult, though, Steve has proven to be highly flexible, with a willingness to take significant risks with little hesitation. He is sure that his upbringing has helped him through rough career patches.

It's Tough Growing Up: Children's Stories of Courage

When facing big questions—where to work or how much to invest in a relationship—he has a high tolerance for ambiguity, for living in that in-between stage in which one does not know whether success or crushing failure awaits. Evidence of other possible cognitive advantages is gradually emerging. His early findings indicate that people who grow up in unpredictable environments are better at what's known as working memory updating; they have the ability to forget information that is no longer relevant and to attend quickly to newer data that is.

Bianchi believes that growing up with stress may promote certain forms of associative learning—the ability to recognize that multiple elements of one's environment are connected in some way or that certain behaviors will be rewarded or punished in a given scenario. Growing up in an environment that's constantly in flux, she says, may make people "more aware of and responsive to changes in the environment.

It means that people who are used to being able to rely on rules and to trust instructions—such as those who grow up in more stable environments—may stick with the rules even in the face of negative results.

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Meanwhile, those from stressful backgrounds may be quicker to explore other possibilities and stumble upon novel solutions. Stress is not one-dimensional, and while socioeconomic background is a factor in examining its effects, it is far from the only one. Clear childhood stressors such as divorce ; domestic violence ; physical, sexual, and emotional abuse; and the mental illness, alcoholism, or drug abuse of a household member are not limited to any one demographic.

Growing up in poverty but with a stable family life poses different challenges than, say, being raised with the trappings of privilege but knowing that an otherwise indifferent parent's affection is contingent on how well you perform. Several cultural critics, surveying the state of the millennial generation, suggest that those within it who had upbringings high in parental praise but lacking in competition have too little experience with loss and may now lack confidence , resilience , and decisiveness.

The amount of stress one experiences in childhood also appears to be a factor in predicting future cognitive benefits. A pair of longitudinal studies by Mark Seery, of the University at Buffalo, found that people who reported experiencing moderate stress throughout their lives tended to score higher on measures of resilience and were less likely to have chronic back pain than those who reported either little stress or extreme stress.

The re-evaluation of stressed childhoods is part of a larger reconsideration of the mental and physical impact of stress. Of particular interest is the effect of norepinephrine, a chemical messenger that's triggered to help us pay attention when we notice something new, unexpected, or frightening. In moderate doses, it can be a "sort of wonder drug to the brain ," says clinical psychologist and cognitive neuroscientist Ian Robertson, the author of The Stress Test.

Norepinephrine helps the brain make new connections, with positive effects for both learning and memory.

There is also something of a reinforcing loop between norepinephrine and IQ; the higher your IQ, the more norepinephrine is released when you're faced with a challenging problem. This hormonal effect may help explain why those raised in tumult could be better and faster at assessing threats—for example, reading emotions or intent in other people's faces. There may a tipping point, however. Too much stress, Robertson says, can lead to excess norepinephrine production and an ensuing, cell-damaging flood of cortisol, which in excess can lead to vascular difficulties in midlife and is associated with early mortality.

Innate biological differences in temperament, driven by a combination of inherited genes , can promote profoundly different responses to similar upbringings and lead to starkly different adult outcomes even for individuals within the same family. Positive aspects of an otherwise highly stressful childhood can also blunt the effect, such as optimal nutrition or supportive extended family members. And the varied types of stress in tumultuous households—for example, acts of commission vs.

A slap in the face is not the same as a failure to console a crying child, though both have consequences.

Someone like Sarah, who grew up in a home inundated with persistent emotional stress and tension—conditions that emotional intelligence and acuity could potentially mitigate—may emerge with stronger, or different, cognitive benefits than someone raised in an environment where "blunt force" stressors like physical abuse could not be prepared for or dodged in any way.

But she is also extraordinarily willing and able to shift directions—her CV includes stints as an actress, portrait painter, theater professor, college dean, community organizer, and entrepreneur. Her husbands' careers required several moves, including an extended stay in Japan, forcing Lillian to routinely adjust her own professional goals. Greater knowledge of the cognitive adaptations that stressed kids like Lillian tend to make could lead to curricula and school environments more geared toward their strengths and attentional styles.

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Today, Ellis says, most interventions for kids identified by teachers or social workers as high-risk take their metaphorical inspiration from cats' claws—kids "come into school like a cat with its claws extended. But reprogramming people is hard, he says, and educators could find it easier to work with children's adaptations rather than fighting them. Tumultuous childhoods, as novelists and therapists have long known, can make for more complex and compelling characters. But Cron has seen in his practice how growing up in a culture steeped in negative assumptions about one's intelligence, temperament, and mental state can lead an individual to play out self-fulfilling prophecies: I'll never recover from what I went through.

I didn't have the foundation you need to get the most out of life. Skeptical of their own prospects, such people might shy away from opportunities or get lost in the pain and bitterness of their experiences.

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While a fuller understanding of the effects of chaotic beginnings gain societal traction, individuals who can learn to grapple with the stress of their past and overcome bleak views of their future can generate new hope. We're not going to deny the facts," he says. People who have already embraced every aspect of their past don't need convincing.

And I always turn to the fact that I'm still here and actively in the mix. I strongly believe that we all have so much more within us than we allow to develop.